Ditching the Need for External Validation

Let’s get real for a second: we live in a world that thrives on likes, comments, and approval. We post a sweaty selfie, hoping for a “You’re killing it!” or share a new recipe and wait for a “That looks amazing!” And when it comes to a weight-loss journey, that need for a pat on the back can feel even more intense.

I’ve been there. You hit a big milestone, and you’re so excited to share, only to see barely any response. Or worse, a backhanded compliment like, “Wow, you look great, but don’t lose too much!” It’s frustrating, and it can feel like a punch to the gut. But here’s the hard truth: you’re not always going to get the validation you’re looking for from everyone you talk to, and you have to learn to move past it.

Your journey is yours alone. While it’s awesome to have a supportive community, your motivation has to come from within.

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What Is External Validation?

To put it simply, external validation is seeking approval or praise from others to feel good about yourself. It’s wanting someone else to notice your hard work, comment on your progress, or give you a thumbs-up. It’s a natural human desire, and in the context of a health journey, it can show up as wanting people to notice your clothes fitting differently or compliment your new energy levels.

How External Validation Can Be Helpful

Don’t get me wrong...external validation isn’t always a bad thing. In the beginning, it can be a great motivator. A compliment from a friend or a high-five from your workout buddy can give you the push you need to keep going.

• A Confidence Boost: Kind words can make you feel seen and acknowledged.
• Fuel for Motivation: Knowing that others are rooting for you can give you a little extra push on a tough day.
• Social Connection: Sharing your wins with loved ones can strengthen your relationships.
  

The key is to view it as a bonus, not the main event.

What Happens When You Rely on It Too Much

This is where things can go wrong. When you start to depend on external validation for your self-worth, you give other people power over your feelings and your journey.

• You’ll Get Discouraged: When the compliments stop coming (and they will, people get used to your changes!), you might feel like your progress has stalled, even if it hasn’t.
• You Might Make Poor Choices: You might start making decisions to please others instead of yourself, like pushing too hard at the gym just to get a compliment or trying a fad diet because it’s popular with your friends.
• Your Self-Worth Becomes Fragile: Your confidence will be tied to other people’s opinions. If someone says something negative, it can completely derail you.
• You Can Lose Your “Why”: The focus shifts from your personal health and well-being to how you’re perceived by others, and you lose sight of the real reason you started in the first place.

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How to Find Your Inner Validation

The good news? You can retrain your brain. You can learn to be your own biggest fan and find validation from within.

• Shift Your Focus to Non-Scale Victories: Did you walk an extra mile today? Finally try that new recipe? Have more energy to play with your kids? Celebrate those things! These wins are just as important—if not more so—than the number on the scale.
• Keep a Journal: Write down your feelings and your successes. It’s your private space to acknowledge your hard work without needing an audience. When you’re feeling down, you can look back at all the amazing things you’ve already done.
• Find a Supportive Community: This is where Healthi comes in. The people here get it. We’re all on our own journeys, and we celebrate each other’s wins without judgment. It’s a safe space to share and be encouraged.
• Become Your Own Cheerleader: Look in the mirror and tell yourself how proud you are. Yes, it sounds silly, but it works. Acknowledge your dedication, your strength, and your resilience.

Remember: your health journey is a gift you’re giving yourself. It’s not for your friends, your family, or some random person on social media. The only person whose approval you truly need is your own. So here’s your permission to stop chasing external validation, and start celebrating yourself, loud and proud!